Over coming obstacles and the Unexpected. | HEY LIAO!: Over coming obstacles and the Unexpected.

3.10.13

Over coming obstacles and the Unexpected.

"Gratitude is Key!"

Today I found out that my charity email will be deleted because I was unable to deliver a design on time and they need people who can meet deadlines. It hurt very bad, I love animals, no doubt I want to help as much as possible but things haven't been so smooth these past two months.

I could have delivered what I had promised if it wasn't for those other stresses and draining things going on, but that is not an excuse for not delivering. I was heart broken at being let go.. aren't we all when something you are so passionate about is no longer offered to you?

These three years I have done my charity design work on and off, even during my most stressful periods in university. I was driven because of my love for animals. Sometimes I was late by a few days but what can I do? 

Design is hard, there are many tweaks, clients want changes and all we can do is keep going. I love it really! The most rewarding thing is to be acknowledged for your work, have an impact on someones life. I wanted to use my expertise for a good cause, for bringing awareness about animal welfare. 

I have felt sad many times because I was studying away overseas and could only send my designs over the internet and I felt it wasn't enough. I also missed all those events I designed for. I really wanted to be part of it all.

Since moving back to Taipei  at the beginning of Aug this year, I thought! Hey! great now I can finally do proper work! I was free and I went into the office and got told what things to do and was excited. Then the unexpected hit! Who would have known that my own mother would be so draining, unsupportive and just downright inconsiderate to my mental health.. I didn't know what all that nonsense was. I don't want to get into the details but it wasn't pleasant. If you guys have heard of narcissistic parents I think that is what she is. 

It was so hard and pressuring, I assured myself, I've been through lots of things so I can get through this! I will finish my charity work on time and emailed back saying sorry please give me another day, and another day  and at the end I couldn't deliver. My body, mind and just overall mood was so low. So terrible. I don't think I've felt so hopeless. 

I was promised by my mother that when I came back I'll have my own cafe to run, make-over and just a place for me to work hard on. I was passionate, extremely motivated and I could have done a good job. I don't mind the hard work, being tired, working long hours. I'm up for it all if I could just be left alone to do work and feel free. (This cafe wasn't something of mine, it was her place which needed help with. I wanted to take the work load off her because I thought she probably wanted some free time, go out with friends, do something else. She would always call me while I was overseas telling me how much she wanted me to come back and that she would love some help). Yet when I came back I was treated with no respect and not much love. 

Why did my mother instead of being supportive have to drain the living life out of me? What happened to my cool mum? I don't know if it was mid life crisis or something but it was manipulative and mentally abusing the things she put me through. It was so hard. 

Even now it is hard for me to feel ok with her. No doubt I love her but I need space. I need time to fully heal. That is why I've been away from my creative zone for so long. I was designing the cafe and coming up with ideas for the charity design but then it all went downhill. You can't design when you are so drained. It's as if all the energy and positiveness I had within me was sucked away. I soon came to conclusion that I was kidding myself. I'm not some super human and I have feelings that are hurt. I needed space to release my stresses.

Come to think about it, I arrived in Taipei, My boyfriend arrived the next day and bam we were working, brainstorming, painting walls, painting canvases, did some waitressing. The whole time there was no support, just draining, constant drain. 

My charity just sat there, and all I could do was say sorry. I can't blame anyone for what has happened but myself. Why did I not see that it was not going to be easy working for my mother? Man how I wish I didn't have to go through all that crap to realize what could have been done instead. 

I am not writing this post to sound ungrateful or depressing. 
I am writing this to let those of you know who are going through this kind of stress that you are not alone. We are all constantly or occasionally hit with serious obstacles which we need to face. 

However having gratitude is key. 
I thought hard about what I wanted to do since being "let go" and I've decided because I love animals so much I want to still be available to them if they need me and created my own charity design email, I want a chance to still help as much as I can. I want to be of help to any NGO that is needing help. Especially animal welfare since that is where my passion is. I'm not going to lie, there was a split second I felt angry. I thought: "wow..after all I've done and how supportive I've been my accounts gong to be deleted?" Then it hit me.. no they are right. There is no second chances "mostly anyway". You prove with actions, if you love it that much you will keep going, keep delivering because you want to. Despite the feeling of no longer being in the team. Official member that is, it isn't whats  the most important. 

The most important thing is the animals. Supporting those animals and doing the best you can to help. I don't care about that "ego" part of myself. Heck I'm going to fight that "ego ness" because the bigger picture is so much more important. 

Everyone has their struggles and troubles. I know it must have been so hard for them to find people to replace my design work. Something that should have been me delivering. I'm just glad it turned out ok and they had people who could help. 

All I want to do now is to work on myself, make myself a better person and learn new skills. 
I believe hard work will pay off. I get to learn new things and whats more important than that? 

I'm getting a trial at a Japanese restaurant today, the whole menu is in mandarin. I can't read and write... so I was fortunate enough to have someone lovely translate for me. I'm going to learn it like a boss! haha

I need to be financially independent now, my career is the most important. Without being able to support myself, how can I ever really help animals? 

I hope the next few post will be more cheerful things. 
I have faced so many obstacles, personal insecurities these two months. I am happy to say I came out a stronger person. 

Thanks to my lovely friends and boyfriend for being supportive, I was able to pass these stresses much easier than I could ever by myself. 

Good luck to you if you too are facing something hard. 
Remember if you are still living you always have chances! Don't give up! 

Ann
xxx 

ps. Don't struggle with these problems you are facing yourself. Someone who loves you will be there lending you a ear and giving you energy hugs. Just open up. 

4 comments:

  1. No worries annie, you can do it!!!

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  2. You are not alone Ann!

    Reading your story, I can see a lot of your hardships are also issues I am identifying with as well.

    Finding an equilibrium between a career that is financially stable against a strive for a self driven passion and the fear and realization of under delivering on commitments, even a straining and unsupportive relationship with my mother as well are things I’m still dealing with currently!

    I understand the feeling completely and it’s great to see your drive and resolution to help animals while you are also trying to support yourself emotionally and financially is still strong as things become a little bit more clearer with time.

    The way you are adapting to your new life will surely bring new opportunities and chances around. Don’t give up! ☺

    Xx
    Siree
    www.thehiddenthimble.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you Siree, I wish you the best of luck and don't give up too! Lots of love from Taipei!! Xx

    ReplyDelete